work that twerk till he jerk.

well you know how people always say "one day my prince will come"

where the hell is mine. 20years i've been single, feels like its been longer. every time i see couples out and about, holding hands and kissing, it makes my blood boil! i wish i had a hose or something so i could baptise those hoes! (but really i wish that was me too) people think that just cause you're gay you want to go spend your time at a gay bar, surrounded by creepy old men trying to buy you drinks. now don't get me wrong, i'm all about that sugar daddy life style, hell i'll even be bisexual, as in, you buy me things and i'll get sexual. but i want love!!!! i want those movie kind of stories, where the guy takes you on a date, you watch a movie, or walk on the beach, cute stuff like that. i need someone that can understand my mood swings, cause sweet pea, i have more swings than a little kid hogging the swings on the playground. everyone says personality matters, and it's true it does. but i'm superficial, if he has stubble, a solid chest, bulging biceps and quads of steel... well then, he just could get it

in reality though, i sit at home and stalk people on facebook and instagram, and cry about how lonely i am.

BUT one day my prince will come, in more ways than one, if you know what i mean ...

who needs jail when you live with parol officers, a.k.a. my parents

 i feel like Cinderella.. where the hell is my prince.

today it was pouring down with rain, and my mum had clothes on the line from the previous day. she takes a nap then comes up to me, while i was actually working on my essay (well i wasn't, but that's what i told her) "go get the clothes off the line" of course i thought she was joking. she wasn't. she made me go in the rain to get her already drenched by the rain, bras and panties (there was my shit too, but mostly hers) i was soaking wet by the time i got back inside. i could feel the anger growing inside me, because i had the urge to throw my coffee mug at her face, and also push her off the balcony. but i'm too pretty for jail, and i'm not ready to a play a love game with my cell mate. it can't just be me right? having the urge to throw things at your parents because they're lazy asses who don't wanna do anything, and when it comes to it, go around telling everyone else that you're the lazy one "oh he sits on his laptop all day, he doesn't do anything around the house"...

these curry munching fools best check themselves before they wreck themselves.

but i love you mummy, but sometimes i just wanna throw chilli powder in your face.

did you hear that? the cake is calling my name.

weight loss issues, we all have them. don't deny it.

however it feels like I've had them ever since the day i was born "you know you were the biggest baby in the ward" my mother will tell me from time to time. really messes with me, i don't know if i should be happy or sad, to know i was the fattest thing that hospital had seen all week. mind you, i bet i was still fabulous. growing up  a chubby indian is such a rare thing, all my people are skinny, boney, freaks. But it can't just be me right? i used to always hear people ask my parents "omg what are you feeding him? he's so big! it's amazing" what's amazing is the fact i couldn't find clothes my size, or run properly (okay calm down, i wasn't a morbidly obese cow) but i was fat. i can't help it, i really like food! i love food! if food were a person I'd probably have tried to kidnap it by now, actually I'd be in a restraining order. the fact is by body is just too bootylicious and no body can handle all my jelly. it would be nice to have abs though *bites into 6th cupcake*

i wanna be big, bigger than oprah when she's at her fattest

ever since i was little i knew that i was destined for greatness. that i would be a somebody. now i still have no clue how that's going to happen, but who knows i could be walking down the street, and get approached by some model scout...but then again that won't happen either. I'm overweight...well just by a few pounds..like 2.. or 15, but that's just a number! i swear i have abs of steel underneath this layer of fat, i just need to convince my dad to pay for my liposuction surgery. but anyway, i feel like i have so many talents, I'm for sure a great actor. i mean when no one is home, i get into my zone and give the best performances. my death scenes are the best, specially when i go deranged and shoot myself because the love of my life is cheating on me. however i wish it was easier, why couldn't i be born a Smith, or a Hilton, or my personal favorite, a Kardashian. i mean I'm all about that life. but in all honesty i just want the glam life, like Fergie said "flying first class up in the sky, poppin champagne living the life" i want that. i want the range rovers, and a mansion in the hills, a pool boy (who I'd perv on when my lover wasn't around). although i could get all this without becoming famous, like, by working hard and staying humble.

HA ye right, i think I'll just get me a sugar daddy.

my humble beginnings

hello, actually no, wait should i say hello..

well anyway, my name is christopher kumar, and this, this is my story of how i became americas next top model.

just kidding this is basically about my life, my past 20 years on this planet. what it is, and how i wished it was are two very different things. i am an only child, i guess that should be enough to give people an idea of how my life is. i think when i was born, my parents probably looked at me and wept at how beautiful of a baby i was. i mean why try making another child when you already have an angel, right? well that's my theory. i was born in paradise basically, the beautiful fiji islands. i guess from a very young age my parents knew i was different, they knew i wasn't like every other boy. i guess the biggest give away was when i asked my mum "mum can you sew me a dress" i mean for a 3 year old, i rocked that floral print knee length dress, although i feel my dad was a bit ashamed, but he got over it. i mean one look at me rocking it out in that dress, anyone would be a believer. i don't care too much about politics, or sports (unless it's the athletes we're talking about, with their bulging biceps and tree trunk quads, who wouldn't be interested). family matters most to me, and my faith in God of all things. i have a major obsession with Rihanna, and from time to time i feel like I'm better than everyone and you are all beneath me.